Did you ever wake up on the wrong side of the bed?
You know what I mean, don’t you? Those days you wake up and your perspective goes sideways. I am normally a very positive guy and generally have a routine where I wake up and start my day with gratitude etc. etc. However some days you wake up with the negative Nellies. Sometimes despite my best effort’s those negative Nellies get hold of me and I can’t quite shake them.
Expecting Things to be Awesome
So the other day I had me one of these negative Nelly days. The best way to describe this state is like your stream of thoughts is just burbling up predominantly negative ideas and observations about what it is that’s happening. Much of this is caused by our expectations not being in alignment with what’s happening. In addition, If you’re tired and rundown, or slept poorly, it also contributes to having trouble maintaining a more positive outlook on how things are turning out.
The day before I had an amazing mountain bike ride and adventure with my good friend Chris. Normally after a mountain bike ride for at least a day or two, I usually feel amazing and have a great perspective. The great workout and cardiovascular effort combined with time in nature are super beneficial. However, the morning after this particular time was not the case. Therefore my expectations were not in alignment with me waking up feeling half shitty.
The next thing that happened that day was that my wife was quite agitated about my daughters singing recital. We had practiced at home with her a lot. However, when the recital happened she fell into the context of the other performers and the level at which they were performing. As a result, she forgot herself a bit rather than performing to the level that she was able to perform. As a consequence of expectations, again, this affected our state of being and got my wife and me a little riled up. Disappointed in a lack of performance coaching on behalf of her music school among other things. Of course, we made the best of it and encouraged our daughter to learn from the experience and take notes.
Shut the Hell Up!
So it happened to be Father’s Day. By this point in my life, I have learned that Father’s Day is definitely not about me. Father’s Day is actually about my kids and spending time with them. So even though my mind was generating a lot of predominately Negative thoughts about the various situations occurring, I did my best to hear that voice and then tell it to shut the hell up. This is actually a very powerful principle.
If you have the negative Nelly‘s and your wife has the negative Nelly’s this is a recipe for a potential shit storm of arguments and stainyness. I call this the bip bip bip exchange, but I’ll cover that in another article.
Don’t Bite
Think of your negative Nelly self as an angry fish that just wants to bite on anything that could make you pissy or contentious. Causing more stress and negativity in the process. Therefore have the presence to just witness your negative Nelly self and shut the hell up and just don’t bite. Don’t bite on other peoples negative commentary or your own. So even though I was bummed out and feeling negative I’m glad to say I was able to just stay chill enough to not bite and to just be OK with my negative Nelly’s.
So we went out for ice cream as my Father’s Day treat and to spend time with the kids. Of course, there were lineups and chaos at the ice cream shop because everyone else had the same idea at that same time. Go figure right, being Father’s Day and all. Again there were other little issues that came up. Such as who got what and what kind of ice cream and what the plan was. All of this being silly stuff but the negative Nelly is always amplify it. My wife had one idea of what type and how many cones we were going to get and how much take-home ice cream for grandpa. As it happens I did something different than that. But again I didn’t bite and she didn’t make a big deal of it so everything was OK.
Steak and Prawns
The rest of the evening I still couldn’t shake the negative Nelly’s. Even though My wife made me steak and prawns and Homemade pizza for dinner. So even though my internal dialogue was driven by the negative Nellies I just held onto the principle of shut the hell up and the principle of – just fake it. I Put a smile on my face and chose to redouble my efforts to pay attention to how great things really are and how fortunate I was. Even as I write this I realize how ridiculous that sounds but I know it’s happened to me before and I’m sure it’s happened to you all before as well. When your inner voice was driven by negative Nelly.
Principles and Presence
The presence and awareness to see your thoughts as they arise is such a gift. As such how grateful we should be for it. Even though I couldn’t get rid of the negative Nelly‘s that day I had the presence to see what was happening and the principles to know how to deal with it. I tend to be a person that tries to see things positive. Therefore when things aren’t positive or when I’m having trouble seeing them positive it can amplify the negative Nellies. Additionally, this reveals that tendency as a vulnerability to me. The solution for this vulnerability I believe was summed up well by Beavis and Butthead. It goes like this – “Sometimes you gotta have things that suck in order to have things that are cool”. As such you need to be OK with your negative nellies that day and just know that it’s offering the contrast that makes your good days seem so amazing.
Ebb and Flow, High and Low
We all have our good days and our bad days. Usually, my thought stream is predominately positive other days not. There are days when we jive well with our significant other and there are days when we tend to grind each other’s gears. Therefore if you know it’s a grindy day then just find yourself some space away. Don’t say anything about it just make it happen. Alternatively, if you can’t make it happen, to find some space away, then just do your best to muzzle your inner jack ass. Consequently, if you feed that inner jack ass your thought energy it will grab the wheel of your bus and cause a crash. I’m speaking metaphorically of course.
We all know the crashes that can happen. A fight with your wife, yelling at your kids, losing your shit over something stupid etc. I’m happy to report that the day turned out just fine even though I had negative Nelly and my inner jackass tied to a chair inside my head. I had trouble keeping the duck tape on their mouths but I managed.
Principles
- Watch out for expectations. As Woody Allen wrote, “if you want to make God laugh tell him your plans”.
Sometimes you have to go with the flow. - Shut the hell up. Make sure that what you are saying is in alignment with what you are truly wanting, or don’t say it!
- Fake it till you make it. Even if negative Nelly and your inner jackass are highly active just do your best to just smile and contribute positively to whatever is going on around you.
- This too shall pass. You’ll have your ups and your downs both are necessary parts of the story. Being aware of this gives space for the presence that sees.
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